An interesting lecture
by emo emily
Summary: A harmless lecture about the birds and the bees.


**An Interesting Lecture  
**

"_Whaaaaaaaaaat!!!"_ Hitsugaya shouts in disbelief. _"This is an outrage; I demand to speak to captain Yamamoto!"_

"_But captain this is a direct order from the head-captain himself."_ Matsumoto explains with a delightful smile on her face. After all, how could she resist in not taking pleasure in her captain's shocked expression? And to top it all off, she would be assisting Gin in lecturing the teenage group all about sex education. Oh boy was this going to be fun.

"_Now now Toshiro…don't tell me that you're timid about this subject? Hmm?" _Gin adds in a playful tone.

"_Bastard how dare you insult me? And it's Hitsugaya to you!" _He was beginning to grow distempered. "_That's it I've had enough of this mockery…if anyone needs me I'll be with the serious captains!"_

Gin retorts _"Well well then, I guess we'll be seeing you around squad six's barracks"_ Suddenly Byakuya appears.

"_That won't be necessary. And another thing, I will not allow Rukia to take part in this class." _ Byakuya replies with a discontent look_._

"_But why Byakuya? It is a direct order that __all__ soul reapers who have been stationed in the world of the living, must attend. It is… after all mandatory." _

Byakuya replies, _"My reasons are noble."_

"_My my what ever could those reasons be?" _At this point Gin seems to be enjoying himself.

"_One…I don't trust that Kurosaki kid. (especially at his age, and with Rukia sleeping in his closet.) Furthermore, I certainly don't trust you nor _Matsumoto_ with this task…"_

Hitsugaya interrupts, "_Are you saying that my lieutenant is incapable of completing something this trivial?" _

"_What's the matter captain? I thought you'd be jumping for joy, after all captain Kuchiki is supporting you." _Matsumoto replies. While Hitsugaya and the other captains converse, Matsumoto begins visualizing what kind of lectures the class would be participating in.

(_Now class, today we are going to demonstrate how to enslave your man. You see it's all about cleavage and the size of your breasts.) _

"_Matsumoto? Matsumoto! Hey stop day-dreaming you idiot!"_

"_It seems that we have finally come to an agreement. Captain Byakuya will also be assisting us in the lectures." (Hmmhmmhmm this should be quite interesting indeed.) _Gin then begins explaining the schedule of the lectures which would begin immediately the next day.

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"_What the hell am I doing here? I can't believe that I have to participate too. (sigh) Well at least Rukia will be here." _ While Ichigo is busy complaining, Uryu steals the seat beside him and Renji immediately takes the one behind him. "_Gaaaah! Y-you two? Why are you here?" _

Uryu replies, "_I'm only here to save Rukia from partnering up with you...Kurosaki Ichigo."_

"_Bastard what the hell is that supposed to mean?!" _

"_Hey shut-up! If anything I'm going to partner up with her! We've known each other since we were kids"_ Renji shouts.

Just then Byakuya, Matsumoto and Gin arrive. Everyone else follows behind them and take their seats. Matsumoto and Gin begin pairing up everyone.

"_Alright the pairings are as follows…Hitsugaya & Momo, Izuru & Ikaku, Uryu & Yachiru and finally Ichigo Kurosaki and Rukia Kuchiki." _

"_Umm yeah, excuse me but my name was the only one not called." _Renji states in an obvious manner.

"_That's because you will be pairing with me…" _Byakuya is midway through his reply when Renji interrupts. "B-but that doesn't make any sense at all. Why do I have to pair with you?"

Byakuya answers in a mysterious tone, "_It is your duty as my lieutenant. That is all."_

While all this is going on Ichigo begins to let his mind wander. (_Oh Ichigo if we don't go over the basics we won't do so well in the upcoming demonstration.) _Ichigo is imagining Rukia removing her clothes and naming parts of her anatomy. (_Now this here is known as…) "Gahhhhh!!!!! I can't take this anymore! I gotta get out of here!" _Ichigo dashes for the door but is immediately intercepted by Byakuya.

"_You are required to spend the whole duration of this lecture. Absences will not be tolerated and attendance is strictly enforced."_

"_Yeah? Well you can kiss my ass. I'm leaving!" _Ichigo tries to get around Byakuya but Hitsugaya gets in the way.

"_Look you may not like it, but if I have to attend this then you're definitely staying as well."_

"_My my, what a ruckus we have here. If everyone has sorted out their thoughts, please take your seats. We are about to begin the lesson." _Gin announces.

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"_Well well, let's begin with common knowledge. You all know how children are made correct?" _Gin inquires teasingly.

_(If I have to sit here and listen to this crap, I'm gonna die of boredom.)-Ichigo-_

_(I can't believe that Ichigo gets to be Rukia's partner.) -sigh-(If he tries anything I'm going to rip his limbs off one by one)-Renji-_

(Yachiru? I am partners with Yachiru? How did I end up in this predicament?) Uryu adjusts his glasses.

"_This is absurd! Of course everyone is aware of how children are made. So let's skip such trivialities and concentrate on completing this futile lecture." _Hitsugaya shouts.

"_B-but lil Shiro, I…I actually don't know how children are made." _Momo responds timidly.

An awkward silence fills the room, and everyone seems to be thinking the same thing. (_You can't be serious.) _Hitsugaya looks at her in disbelief, then answers "_Well when two people love each other a great bond grows between them and then…and then…well they…"_(Hitsugaya begins to blush which cues Renji to step in for the save.)

"_They sleep with one another, wrapped in each other's arms while all the while moving their bodies in sync with that of waves." (O~M~G! _ Everyone is bewildered at Renji's very vivid analogy.)

"_W-where the hell did you hear that from?" _Ichigo stutters.

"_I dunno, maybe I just felt like saying something like that out of the blue. Whatever, just leave me alone." _ Renji replies bashfully.

"_Great how about a kiss as a reward for that wonderful explanation." _Matsumoto reaches over Renji's desk and pecks him on the forehead. Renji momentarily faints from shock due to the proximity of her chest.

"_Now that that's settled, let us move on to courtship." _Byakuya states in a rather serious manner. _"The fundamentals of a relationship, is understanding one another as well as the presence of a physical attraction. Without either one, the couple is doomed to failure."_

"_Wow this guy is more serious then my Kenny. I wish Kenny was here this is no fun. Why do I get stuck with Oreo?" _Yachiru mumbles perfectly aware that Uryu is seated beside her.

"_Well it's not like __**I **__have to be here." _ He grumbles under his breath.

"_Oooooh hey captain Kuchiki this man isn't allowed to be here. He isn't even a soul reaper!" _Yachiru shouts in a mocking tone.

"_My my it appears that would be correct. Well looks like I'll have to exempt the both of you from this lecture." _Gin smiles sinisterly. Yachiru and Uryu take their leave.

The lecture pursues a little over three hours when finally Matsumoto requests that partners should show a demonstration of a romantic kiss. Surprisingly, Byakuya is the first one to accept the task. He makes his way to Renji pulls his head back and kisses him passionately. Everyone is startled and disgusted all except for the women.

"_That was beautiful, a perfect demonstration of romance." _Matsumoto comments.

"_Yes that was quite…well it was magnificent." _Gin replies intrigued by Byakuya's actions. Who could've imagined that Renji and Byakuya could share such fervor.

"_I can't believe that my brother and Renji are…are…Wow I am lost for words. Well if they're both happy then I have no objections." _Rukia says content by her brother's current behaviour.

"_Yeah…I'm pretty wild but there's no way in hell that I'm doing that. C'mon Izuru let's leave before we get forced to do something we're both going to regret." _Ikaku nudges Izuru in the arm.

"_But the lecture isn't over yet. If we leave now we'll be punished." _Izuru replies.

"_Oh dear it seems we've run out of time. Such a shame looks like we'll have to assign homework." _Gin says projecting his voice to the class.

"_Homework, you're joking?" _Ichigo and Toshiro question Gin. Meanwhile Renji and Byakuya are still embraced in a kiss. "_Okay screw this, I'm outta here" _Ichigo grabs Rukia and flees the room. Everyone follows leaving Renji and Byakuya alone. Finally the two disengage from each other.

"_Ca-captain w-why did you…" _Renji begins but Byakuya cuts him off. _"I love you."_

"_You what?" _Renji is taken aback by Byakuya's words. _"I said I love you. You are now and forever will be…mine and mine alone." _Byakuya pulls Renji closer and begins kissing him. Renji pulls away and strives to push Byakuya away from him. _"I love you too. Now get off of me! You sick bastard, I can't believe you chose to demonstrate your love for me in front of everyone." _Renji chastises Byakuya for his behavior.

"_You are and always will be mine." _Byakuya whispers.

"_I am and always will be yours." _Both men embrace each other tightly and seal their love with another kiss.


End file.
